Some people expressed interest in the giant Fushimi meta I started working on a while back, so here it is (you will all regret that when you see the size of this thing, I did not intend for this to turn into a dissertation, I swear).
Under the cut because looooong. No…
I don’t know how much this will help others but it helped me tonight.
Thanks a lot darling we really appreciate this is so true and the owl is uber cute.
Stay strong, lots of love.
reading a hilarious recap of Fifty Shades of Grey and reflecting on the phenomenon of masculine possessiveness in romantic/erotic fiction
don’t get me wrong
a cursory glance at my shipper/fanfic tastes will show that i enjoy possessiveness in my ships
a rough kiss here, a firm grasp of the waist there, some breathy whispers of i want you to be mine
COOL. yes. gimme.
and someone gimme more klaus/bonnie fic because I’m PARCHED
in these scenarios, the possessiveness is mostly about protectiveness, and about a deep, all consuming desire for another person that makes you want to soak up every drop of who they are all day every day because they just make you feel that fucking good and you love being around them
at least for me, that’s what’s alluring about the element of masculine possessiveness in my ships
whats not cool tho? is shit like this:
- a hero that blames a heroine for being so gosh darn rapeable that other men can’t HELP but assault her
- a hero that gets angry when a heroine dresses sexy, because she’s “putting the goods on display”
- a hero that shames or chastises a heroine for being comfortable in her sensuality
and you know why this shit is not ok? because its no longer about love or desire, it’s about control, and deploying shame - so plentiful in our heteropatriatchal society - to objectify and therefore possess and claim a woman’s sexuality.
which is to say, fic where Klaus is “greedily feasting his eyes on Bonnie’s bare skin” might get me all hot and bothered, but don’t step to me in irl and tell me my short skirt and huge breasts are the reason i can’t walk down the street without getting hollered at.
and if Bonnie was assaulted by some lecherous vampires in said fic? well Klaus better be doing everything he can to comfort her and help bring those fuckers to justice, not yelling at her for “endangering herself.” or at least that’s what happens in the fic i write.
the fantasy of intense and deep feeling in romance/erotica is fine. that’s what it’s supposed to do. just don’t get it twisted: there’s N O T H I NG romantic or sexy about a partner, no matter their gender, who gets mad at u for showing some skin, who acts like your body is their own private dead-butterfly collection that only they get to view and exhibit, who thinks sexuality and sensuality are things that they can bottle up and own.
there’s a different between intense, breath-taking, passionate appreciation for your lover’s sensuous attributes, and wanting to control and claim those attributes for yourself.
the former is the stuff of hot steamy sexytimes, the latter is the stuff they warn you about on Domestic Violence pamphlets and websites.
im not some kind of bastion of feminist progressiveness, i like problematic ships and power-struggles that are fraught with sexual tension - one of my favorite tropes is the Arranged Marriage trope for fuck’s sake - but dominance and submission in sexual relationships are only fun when you’re safe, healthy, protected and fully able to consent.
i might seem like I’m contradicting myself here, but as someone who’s getting out of a controlling, emotionally abusive relationship where i couldn’t always consent, where i was guilted for dressing a certain way and having a certain type of body, let me tell you this shit gets old fast, and worse: it saps your vitality so you lose appreciation for things like pleasure, risk, sweetness and intimacy. you begin to lose your sense of humanity. which is what the abuser wants you to do.
this post got way longer than expected, but the more i read about 50 Shades the more eerie similarities i find between Christian Grey and my ex, and the more intensely i want to ensure no one ever goes through a situation like mine (an unrealistic expectation given our society nurses a pathological rape-culture, but at least if enough of us are speaking about it, and more importantly if enough of us in the paranormal romance/ fandom community are speaking about it, then maybe just maybe we can call for change).
write all the broody possessive soulful heroes you want, just make sure that when all’s said and done, your heroines have what they need to be safe and loved, and to love in safety.
Tags #yes to all of this #abuse #domestic abuse #consent issues
“GIVE IT SEVEN YEARS AND HE’LL BE GIVING YOU JUST THAT.”
I tried to scroll past this. I really did.
if I make you ship something:
1. I am sincerely sorry
2. 1 is a lie
3. it was my plan all along
4. message me stuff about it so we can chat
customers at local retail shop shocked to find sales associate is in fact a human being, and not an automaton built to serve them
… If you’re a Harry Potter fan, this is wonderful news. [The study] provides some experimental backing for J.K. Rowling’s opinion that, “The Potter books in general are a prolonged argument for tolerance, a prolonged plea for an end to bigotry.”
More importantly, it shows that conveying messages of tolerance through literature actually works. Potter’s journey of self-discovery, then, might some day be immortalized in projects that aim to teach tolerance to young children.
"I’m… not so sure anymore. I don’t need a reason to swim. I just need to feel the water. That’s what I’ve always believed. But… When I lost to him, everything became dark. I didn’t care about anything at that point. Not the tournament or anything else. But when I watched you guys swim. I thought, "I trained hard with these guys." I might end up being nothing more than filler. But if you guys really wanted to swim in a relay, I would swim. That was when I remembered how it felt to swim in the same lane together, how it felt when everyone was waiting at the finish line. It made me just as happy!”
Haru to Mako
All you need to know about Sansa in this book is that she has a direwolf – a giant, monstrous wolf, a half-mythological monster, a killing machine – and she names it Lady.
You’re goddamn right she did.